accounts from the Zuko bar
by Rocku
Summary: Cad Bane gets drunk and hits on whatever moves. Written for Capslock Clonewars drabble thursday. No pairings except maybe Cad Bane/Aurra Sing in disguise/a bowl of peanuts.


I've always thought Bane and Aurra would make a good pair. They seem like the kind of couple who would get drunk and then get into fist fights, but then at the end hug it out and forget about it. Ahhhh disfunction.

I'm aware Bob Dylan does not exist in the Star Wars universe

This was written for CAPSLOCK CLONEWARS drabble thursday. Everyone is out of character. Enjoy the nonsense.

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Cad Bane was drunk.

That was a pretty accurate assessment. An even more accurate assessment would be that he was fall-on-the-floor-mind-numbingly-shitfaced.

He currently had his hand in a bowl of peanuts. He moved his fingers around in the bowl, enjoying the way they felt. He would compare it to sticking your toes in the sand, only a hundred times better. He shifted his eyes nervously around the dimly lit dive, suddenly paranoid someone would come and take his peanuts away. Goddammit, they were his. He specifically chose the table with the bowl of peanuts, and he shouldn't have to give up his salty treats.

He stuck a handful of them in his mouth, and chewed rather obnoxiously, eyeing the other inhabitants of the bar. There was an aqualish peeing in a potted plant in the corner, and nobody seemed to care. The bartender was kicking an old fashioned juke box, trying to get it started again. When it surged to life, Bane recognized the song as one he heard on an old pirate radio station that played music that was old as hell and barely recognizable. He had always liked this song, from the first moment he heard it. In his intoxicated state, he came to the ridiculous conclusion that the song was written about him.

"_How many roads must a man walk down, before you can call him a man…"_

"Five…" Bane said outloud to nobody. The tiny part of his brain that was still coherent told him it was a rhetorical question, but the other 99% told him it couldn't be five. That wasn't enough roads. It had to be more like…. nine.

As he argued with his brain, he became aware of the bar door swinging open, letting in dusty light that stung his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, he saw a woman standing in the entrance with the goddamn longest legs he'd ever seen. The other inhabitants weren't shy to notice either, as the cat calls and whistling started up as she made her way to the counter, swinging her hips seductively.

As she passed his table, Bane took a good long look at her ass, and chuckled to himself. She was painfully delicious, and the tramp knew it. She wore red lipstick that clashed with everything else she wore (or lack of), and dark sunglasses that covered half her face. She wore ankle boots covered in fur, probably from some extinct baby animal, and Bane's favorite part of the ensamble, a pink cowgirl hat.

He figured he had a good a chance as any drunk asshole of getting this broad in the sack, and attempted to try out his luck that very moment. He got up from the table, then immediately got dizzy and fell on his ass. He was more shocked at his sudden change of surroundings than hurt. When did the table get so tall?

The woman had taken of her sunglasses, exposing her sunken in green eyes. She itched under her hat. Goddamn her head was itchy. She had to style her long red pony tail in a crazy up-do. If someone were to see her defining hair, it would certainly give her away. And goddamn this thong! It was chaffing her sore. She felt like her crotch was getting strangled by a really weak snake.

She had just taken out the mugshot of the guy she was here to bag, and had started to nurse the drink she'd ordered, when a loud crash startled her. She turned around to look, and was immediately horrified with what she saw.

"Oh dear god not him…"

Bane was attempting to pick himself up off the floor, but wasn't making a whole lot of progress. He swayed, and caught himself on a chair.

"Whoopsie…. eazzy doessit…." he slurred to himself, finally getting into a somewhat standing position. He saw her looking his way, and tried to put on the charm with a big smile, but it just ended up looking perverted and wrong. Aurra spun back around, quickly putting her sunglasses back on. If he was this drunk he would surely blow her cover.

She felt him stumble up next to her.

"Hey dere goodlooking. I saw you walk in annn jus thought you sshould know you got an ass on you lika big piece a…."

"Look Bane. I don't know why you want to sabotage my plan to nab this guy, but if you don't blow my cover I'll give you thirty percent…"

"Yeeeah, thirdy peercent ov your mouth on my big blue co-"

"What?"

"You look tensse…. here…" he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a handful of peanuts. Aurra didn't know why he had handfuls of the salty treats at his disposal, and she found out she really didn't want to know.

"I'm not eating peanuts you just took out of your pocket, Bane…"

"You know," he said, trying to arrange the peanuts into a pile on the table. They just ended up spilling everywhere. "You remind me offf thiss chick I know. Aurra…… ssometing……. kindof a bitch…."

She clenched her fists and her teeth, beyond livid at this point. Only Bane would get drunk enough to not recognize a person and still manage to insult them. Bane saw her expression and his face softened.

"Ahhhhhh but don worrrry," he said, getting closer than she would have liked, "you're much preeettierr…."

Aurra leaned back as his face got closer, his intentions pretty obvious, when out of the corner of her eye she saw her guy leaving through the back door.

"Oh no!" She pushed Bane off of her and took her gun out of it's holster on her thigh. She was about to dash out the back after her bounty when an arm snaked it's way around her waist and a hand came to take up occupancy on her left breast.

"Ohhh…. playin' hard to get are we?"

Aurra rolled her eyes. This was getting way too pathetic. The only reason she considered doing what she did next was out of the comforting thought that Bane would not remember any of it.

She kicked him in the balls.

That seemed to do the trick. The pain of the kick mixed with the large quantities of liquor caused the Duros to immediately pass out. He fell to the bar floor in a drunken, lifeless heap, peanuts spilling everywhere.

Aurra dusted herself off once and adjusted her outfit. The entire bar was staring at her, including the bartender, who was shaking behind the counter. She got up close and smiled seductively.

"Put my drink on his tab."

END


End file.
